Wise Wednesdays

One of the recurring questions in coaching conversations is: “What do I do when I don’t know what to do?”   Let me save you time, money and anguish:   Sometimes you know but the decision feels hard and it’s time for some inner-work. Sometimes it’s not time to know but you’re impatient. Sometimes you just need more information.   It’s usually one of these three.   But what can happen (unless you have a great coach of course ;) is the “sudden move” aka the reactive decision…   You decide to do something just to avoid the discomfort of not knowing.   You FINALLY tell your boss/partner/person irritating you what you REALLY think. You drop that project (or take it on even though you can’t) You get on a plane to another country to go see THAT person or place.   I’ve done all of these.   But what happens? Well, nothing. You feel the same after a little adrenaline kick. And your head hurts. Maybe your heart hurts too. Your intuition is fogged up. The ‘sud...

Do you think you need confidence before doing something important?   Most people do.   But the concept of ‘confidence’ can be so elusive that it’s become another way of accidentally fueling imposter syndrome: “I don’t have the confidence yet, so I can’t do it”! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard a high achiever who feels stuck say: “I’ve been told I should be more confident. But I don’t know what to do.”  So let’s break confidence down into actionable components, so that you can have some fun with it and get things done, rather than add to a sense of pressure and inadequacy because you think you’re lacking confidence.   (By the way, I shared a few thoughts earlier this week on the subject which you can read on LinkedIn here and here .)    First, let’s quickly cover some helpful neurobiology. To simplify, two important brain areas that influence confidence are: 1) the amygdala (which shapes your perception and response to threats i.e. fight-flight-...

3 big lessons I got from creating my own job. If it’s any help, here’s what I learned from creating my own job in the midst of the chaos and uncertainty: 1) Uncertainty = opportunity: no explanation required here. 2) Your fulfilment depends on reversing the money-impact relationship. True fulfilment comes to those who are willing to create impact and value first, knowing that the ripple of impact will come back to them in many forms, including money and recognition. 3) Your rate of progress towards fulfilment depends on your comeback time, i.e. how long it takes you to get out of fear and back to creativity and impact. The shorter your comeback time, the more likely your energy is used in the most efficient way. So if you’re sensing something’s off in your career situation, don’t ignore your intuition. Even if your rational mind doesn’t have all the answers, your path will be revealed if you start moving out of your comfort zone. Are you willing to open up to the bigger picture, take a...

And just like that, we’re already halfway through the year!    It’s that time of the year when, if left unchecked, goal fatigue starts to set in. I’ve found a few things helped me in taking leaps into the dark and coming out happier at the other end. So here goes:   1) Get comfortable with the unknown: big goals require stepping into uncertain territory sometimes and making friends with uncomfortable sensations (especially, if we’re used to being in control).   2) Have fewer goals. This leaves space for creative solutions and course correction as you start moving forwards. Apparently, the first Apollo mission was only on course 2.5% of the time and had to continually adjust as it moved forwards.   3) Focus on experiences that you want (especially growth, contribution and things that bring you joy) rather than specific things like a job or person.    I talk about how to reduce goal fatigue in more detail in an early Wise Wednesdays. Read the full articl...