Wise Wednesdays

“Why have I fallen back into that old pattern?”   Have you ever experienced this? It’s something we discussed at length in the Presence Power Possibility coaching-mastermind group and I want to share some insights on how to address old patterns fully and whether it’s even necessary to get rid of old patterns to live a full and vibrant life. Let’s take people-pleasing - a pattern that’s so prevalent among those who care. Let’s say you finally understand that people-pleasing doesn’t serve you and that guilt is not a good guide to decision-making. and You start noticing that when you say ‘no’ or speak up for yourself, people don’t generally get angry, and that in fact they respect you more. Perhaps you notice that life feels a little easier because as you start asking for help instead of taking on more problems to solve, people help you and you’ve got more room to breathe and enjoy life. But then you start a new job with a strange boss or meet an old family member and your people-plea...

  I was speaking with a friend yesterday. She loves her field and has applied for a great job. It could be the next step in her bigger vision of helping to put the care back into healthcare. But she’s got quite a lot on her plate and froze during the interview preparation. Now, I haven’t been to an interview for years. But there was a time where I was going through them like a marathon.   I had a good-looking CV and always got shortlisted. But when I got to the interview something went wrong…It was so disheartening. I eventually figured it out but it took me 11 applications to get my second job – that was a tough time.   I learned a LOT and I never got stuck like that again. In fact, I got my ‘dream job’ or dream opportunities 4 times in a row after working it out and was eventually asked to sit on the other side of the table to help hire for a couple of big organisations. I want to share what it was that got me through that bottleneck in the end. Because I did one thing ...

You’re probably already using feminine (and masculine) leadership.  But what is it? There’s no consensus, but the distinction might be: Masculine leadership: focused, outcome-oriented, competitive Feminine leadership: receptive, process-oriented, collaborative They’re both valuable. But the feminine principle has been underrated in the Great Man view of the world. For example, I've been called caring (traditionally feminine) and also ambitious (traditionally masculine). But my caring was usually more acceptable than my ambition. And it’s time to evolve. I have a belief that it's time to transcend gender stereotypes and embrace both styles of leadership. Here are 3 reasons to embrace and celebrate it: [Read on or watch the video] 1) Being a hostage to the “Great Man” culture limits your potential Subscribing to the ‘old boys club’ may look like it gets you places but you eventually hit a ceiling because you cut off a part of yourself. A more patient and wiser route that includ...

As I wrote the title, I realised it needed an adjustment: we don’t get  over  disappointment. We get  through  it. But it’s not how it feels in the moment. We hear the bad news, the rejection, the cancellation, and we want the feeling to disappear. We want to get on with life as if nothing happened. I’ve had a good run of job interview success. But there was a period early in my career – my second job – where I hit a bottleneck. I applied 11 times and got rejected 10. No one else I knew was having this trouble. It felt lonely and terrible. Eventually, I figured out what was wrong and got my dream job. But that’s a story for another day. For now, I want to share 5 tools I use with my clients and myself when facing a disappointment (tip: they’re about how we relate to our experience of time): [Read more or watch the video from minute 1.02]   1. Dialogue productively (learning from the past) Disappointment can lead to shame and isolation. The antidote to isolatio...

Well, after last week’s mammoth Wise Wednesdays, I thought I should keep this one shorter... The amount of information, tools and practices in self-development can be bewildering. Essentially, it should help you feel more ease and confidence in life as well as help you answer 3 questions: Who am I? What’s my purpose? How do I make my contribution? But those are still big questions. What do they mean in practice and day-to-day? I love theory and frameworks but I’m really a pragmatist and a scientist. I believe there’s one question that tilts the scales moment-to-moment from anxiety and stress into clarity and wise action – more so than anything about your vision, values or goals. It is this: What do you need to let go of in this moment? A project, relationship, habit, negative thought, a tense feeling in your body? [More on ways to let go in is this week’s video - go straight to minute 2] With some honest contemplation, you can know. You might start with external things (a project, a r...