Wise Wednesdays

There are 4 main survival strategies. Most people are aware of ‘fight or flight’. Some people know ‘freeze’ . Few are aware of ‘fawn’ . Fawning is less well recognised as a survival mechanism because it serves a significant social function and is reinforced by society. Fawning is essentially the people-pleasing reflex . Even though I’m generally outspoken, I still notice myself doing it to avoid conflict. If you lean towards people-pleasing, 2 things in particular might make you feel guilty: saying ‘no’ prioritising your self-care relaxing and doing nothing without having to explain why These come up in coaching all the time, most recently in the first session of Presence Power Possibility last week and in a workshop for a community of women enterpreneurs called AllBright. So I want to offer some distinctions and principles of communication that have helped my clients drop people-pleasing and create powerful conversations that enhanced collaboration, reduced conflict a...

Recently, I’ve spoken with a number of pretty stellar women who feel unsure about what they have to offer.    I’ve had coaching conversations with an engineer who had worked with the UN on climate change; an experienced vice president in tech who single-handedly raised her son; a doctor specialised in global health security who is leading in the national response to the pandemic.   Like many powerful and empathic women, they give a lot. But often feel it's not enough.   Sometimes, their environment doesn’t support them either and that adds to the self-doubt. The world loses out as a result.   The challenges that I see plague powerful empaths (women and men) include: - They can't see their own genius - They don't see themselves as a 'leader' - Their most brilliant ideas are ignored ( if they dare speak them) - They're put down or diminished by others who are less capable and caring than they are.   Over time, their confidence may drop and keep them tra...

It’s starting to sink in. The book is coming out tomorrow. It’s called The Success Trap: why good people stay in jobs they don’t like and how to break free. If you’re thinking of starting a creative project, I want to share two challenges or limiting beliefs I had to overcome. ------------ “I don’t have time” ------------ It was 12 months ago that I’d really started to find my writing groove and was looking forward to focused writing time in December. Six months before that I’d submitted a proposal to a publisher (Kogan Page) after realising I wanted more structure, accountability and help with the book. When the publisher first told me in July 2019 that they’d like 60,000 words (more than my PhD) by December, I thought they meant December 2020. I felt that I could probably pulled it off in 17 months…My head spun when they clarified it was December 2019 and I had 5 months. But they believed I could do it, and I was up for the challenge. I did negotiate a two month extension which they ...