Wise Wednesdays

Ever wondered what other people’s New Year’s resolutions are? Bearing in mind that £37million is wasted on unused gym memberships in the UK and that most people have given up on exercise by January, it may not be encouraging to know. But awareness of the odds against you might increase your likelihood of success. [Read on or watch the video below] A YouGov poll last year found that the most commonly made (and broken) New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Losing weight (48%): Particularly popular after putting on some holiday weight 2. Getting more exercise (41%) 3. Saving more money (32%) 4. Eating more healthily (37%): With so many diets and recommendations it’s difficult to know how these days. A good rule of thumb is to see food as nourishment rather than distraction or comfort. 5. Pursuing a career ambition (15%) 6. More time with family (14%) 7. Learning something new (11%): Learning a new language or skill requires time and effort so momentum can dampen once the i...

It’s the season for overwhelm! Finishing projects, getting things organised making sure everyone’s happy while trying to eat, sleep and breathe can be a challenge. Especially if you’re an over-giver or people-pleaser. You’re going to sacrifice yourself first at the expense of your health and wellbeing. Self-care might seem like a crime when there's so much to do... The problem is that the less functional you are, the lower your ability to help constructively. As a result, no one really benefits. Burnout is extremely common among people in the helping professions, and while the research is still in its infancy, predictive factors are excessive workloads and poor relationships. So what can you do? YOU FIRST Remember what they tell you on the plane? Put your oxygen mask on first! This is an excellent metaphor. A parent’s instinct might be to put the mask on their child, first. But the fact is that you might only have seconds at high altitude before you lose your ab...

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”  - John Lennon. How many times have you had a brilliant idea, inspiration or enthusiasm about something but didn’t take action on it? Then, the window of opportunity was lost and you regretted it? Perfectionism is one of the reasons this happens. Especially if you have imposter syndrome. You’ll tend to stick to what you already know and do well rather than face the risk of failure trying something new and different. One of the ways we can disguise our fear of failure is through endless planning and waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect opportunity, the perfect level of confidence, etc. And, life passes by. Ultimately, there’s no other way to live fully but to step towards the unknown – with its possibility of failure and loss.  [Watch the video or read on]. https://youtu.be/lww8-YQ5OS0 Last week, I watched the movie “Don’t worry. He won't get far on ...

How many addicts do you know? Probably more than you think.  The majority of drug addicts I've come into contact with have been those I’ve treated in a professional context - in hospitals. A few years ago, I also did a health needs assessment of a central London borough and interviewed homeless addicts about the health care they were receiving for hepatitis C. The hardships they faced were enough to put me off drugs for several lifetimes. But most of the addicts I know are hooked on everyday things: work, performance/achievement, constant activity. Most are exhausted or overwhelmed. Many find their relationships suffer. This culturally driven, toxic work/performance/achievement addiction is what I talk about here (not clinical addictions which require healthcare services). See the video or read on. While many theories of addiction exist, experts seem to agree on: 1) there’s a compulsion to act; 2) there’s a payoff to the addictive behaviour (e.g. exter...

The laws of physics fascinated me as a teenager. It was partly the fact that we could describe the systems that governed our universe but also that the conventions and units were completely made up. That’s fine when there’s consensus among the scientific community. But when a radical paradigm shift in scientific theory is involved with implications rippling into wider society and coming up against old powers, things can get tricky. Galileo’s trial is the quintessential example; not to mention poor monk Giordano Bruno who was burned at the stake by the Inquisition for similar scientific views to Galileo. And so it is with your mind. When one part of you surrenders to the evidence that something else is possible in your life - that it’s time to break with the convention of your current life - all manner of havoc can be unleashed. Doubt. Fear. Clinging to the past. Entering or leaving a job, career, relationship or country are big life changes. Your wider...

This week we saw frightening images of families driving through thick, dark smoke with raging forest fires either side of the road (California wildfires).  The stuff of my apocalyptic nightmares.  It reminded me of families all around the world who have to abandon their homes through no choice of their own to escape disasters - manmade and other. The data we have show that extreme weather events of this kind are going to increase in frequency and intensity as climate change proceeds. There’s a universal message here: we’re in a period of rapid change and uncertainty. And we’re all in it together. If you’re in a period of transition in your life (career, relationships, health, etc), you’ll know how it feels not to know what’s going to happen next. You may feel like you’re walking through dark fog and perhaps an intense discomfort that makes your mind race. MOVING THROUGH DARKNESS Living in a culture of fast facts and working in ...

One of the facets of the success trap is disempowering communication (blaming, shaming, self-victimising, etc). These are (survival) habits of communication that seemingly protect us from pain but, in reality, cut us off from our real power and freedom to act. It might be a particular person, type of relationship or specific environment that sets off the alarm and triggers your inner-security system.  Perhaps it’s a co-worker you find irritating, a place that brings up unease or even your family…  “You think you’re enlightened? Go spend a week with your family” Ram Dass. KNOW YOUR INNER-SECURITY SYSTEM For an illustration of the disempowering roles you might take on when your inner-security system/defence mechanism is triggered, you may remember the Karpman drama triangle and, its reverse, the empowerment triangle - both of which you can find online. Having a sense of when you’re inhabiting a disempowering role (the persecutor who is always sh...